apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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