No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
