her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I currently don't understand fingers.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
