it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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