Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
there is glitter all over my balls
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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