I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
