my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
