I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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