remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
im having a threesome with these popsicles
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
