Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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