I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
My first STD was from a foam party
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
