Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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