remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
