also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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