I'm lost and stupid without you.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I have fence marks all over my body
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I know her cup size but not her name....
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
