I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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