I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize