: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
