Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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