Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
