I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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