Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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