addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
