Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I think people are normalizing furries
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