apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
