i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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