I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize