My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize