I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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