I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
