fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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