I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
