I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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