Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
