you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
