its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
