Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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