dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The air was thick with penises
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
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