i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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