Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
