i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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