I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
