a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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