I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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