break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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