I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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