shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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