my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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