i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Come see our sink grown plant.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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