Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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