so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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