how can u be prego again
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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