so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
