You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
