weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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