Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Slut skills are useful in every country.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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