Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
