I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Randomize
