Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
