I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Randomize