come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
