She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
