I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
