Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Did I show you my penis last night?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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