THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
