I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
