Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize