call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
