I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
