I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
