Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
