Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
