Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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