just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
