dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
