Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
