FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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