Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
