For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
