i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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