Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
