Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
