My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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